it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
