Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
