He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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