we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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