I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
