btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
