I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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