Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
