dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
