Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
