Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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