Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
