So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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