I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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