mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
