You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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