I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
