I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
