Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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