Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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