somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
