And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
