Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
