i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
