She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
