I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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