You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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