We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
