I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
