do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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