it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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