worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
