Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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