return my video game
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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