Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
