I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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