So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
