she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
