Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
