she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
