mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
