oh god the rape fog is back!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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