I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
