It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
