when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
