He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
