Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
