Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
