I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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