My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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