Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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