I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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