it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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