Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
