Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
