People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
