ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
