So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
