she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
