AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
