Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
