my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your penis caused this!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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