Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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