Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm always down for nudity.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
