Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Panties = found
Randomize
