Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
