My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
