There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
