Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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