I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
