Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
