I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
