sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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