So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
