wanna go halves on a baby?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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