You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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