why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
