i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
