im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
