you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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