i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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