never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
