Don't make out with my wife yet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
