You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
