ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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