You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
