we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
