You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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