College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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