just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
