they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
