is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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