My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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